


do i wanna know?

by valerie (moonchildriri)



Category: YG Treasure Box (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-20 18:23:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19382236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonchildriri/pseuds/valerie
Summary: five words.five words that shattered his heart beyond repair.five words he prayed day and night to never hear from the love of his life.five words he contemplated on saying back just to spite him.five words he thought he’d be okay with.but those five words was all it took for junkyu to storm out the door and turn away from his 2-year ‘relationship’ with mashiho.





	1. he understood

_i had no idea that you’re in deep_  
_i dreamt about you nearly every night this week_  
_how many secrets can you keep_  
_‘cause there’s this tune i found that makes me think of you somehow_  
_when i play it on repeat_  
_until i fall asleep_

what started off as cancelled dinner dates, cancelled vacation trips, and cancelled evening walks, turned into door-slamming, ear-shattering, nightly fights. mashiho always came home late, which honestly didn’t bother junkyu at first; mashiho had a job after all. 

junkyu was never the type to get mad over simple things. he was the understanding type, and that’s one of the reasons why mashiho fell for him in the first place.

so he understood every excuse mashiho gave him for every cancelled plan there was, no matter how unbelievable they were. he understood and accepted every lie mashiho fed him, thinking he must have a good reason for each and every one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henlo !! it’s ya girl riri 💜 i’ve made an account specifically for my ygtb aus ehe but all of them will still be on twitter !! im currently working on the sequel as i know i promised a ‘healing’ au for the hearts i’ve broken while writing this one 🤧 please bear with me and my slow updates,, im still kinda busy with personal stuff huhu but i promise to write whenever i can !! ☺️ i hope you enjoy reading !!
> 
> do give me feedback either by commenting here or on my cc hehe it helps me know if you like the story so far 🤗
> 
> \- 🌙
> 
> twitter: @halfmoonmashi  
> curiouscat: @halfmoonriri


	2. was it enough?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> five words.
> 
> five words that shattered his heart beyond repair.
> 
> five words he prayed day and night to never hear from the love of his life.
> 
> five words he contemplated on saying back just to spite him.
> 
> five words he thought he’d be okay with.
> 
> but those five words was all it took for junkyu to storm out the door and turn away from his 2-year ‘relationship’ with mashiho.

_ever thought of calling when you've had a few?_  
_'cause i always do_  
_maybe i’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new_  
_now i’ve thought it through_

but lately, junkyu has observed the changes that his relationship with mashiho was going through. suddenly for the past few weeks, mashiho had had been coming home to him, reeking of alcohol and cheap perfume that junkyu didn’t recognize.

junkyu ignored every red flag he saw, just for the sake of staying with the one he loved. he ignored every unreturned text, every missed call, and accepted every apology that mashiho gave.

he loved him. really loved him.

and sometimes, more often than not, junkyu would sit alone at the balcony wondering if mashiho felt the same.

junkyu helped him get to their bedroom every night as his ‘boyfriend’ stumbled across the living room, completely inebriated.

‘boyfriend’ because they’ve never really talked about what they were. sure, they were together. they wake up together, eat together, go on dates together, and sleep together. 

but was that really enough to call someone yours?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my heart actually broke while writing this,, i hope i didnt break anyone’s heart tho 🤧💔
> 
> \- 🌙


	3. he loves the rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> five words.
> 
> five words that shattered his heart beyond repair.
> 
> five words he prayed day and night to never hear from the love of his life.
> 
> five words he contemplated on saying back just to spite him.
> 
> five words he thought he’d be okay with.
> 
> but those five words was all it took for junkyu to storm out the door and turn away from his 2-year ‘relationship’ with mashiho.

_so have you got the guts?_  
_been wondering if your heart's still open and if so_  
_i wanna know what time it shuts_  
  
memories of how the two of them started ‘dating’ flooded junkyu’s mind as he, once again, waited for mashiho to come home.

it was a drizzly tuesday, as junkyu recalled. what made that day extra special was the serene and tranquil environment and subtle drops of rain he could hear from outside their classroom window.

and mashiho loved the rain.

junkyu’s friends stayed at the door, giggling to themselves. they knew what was going to happen. they’ve been waiting for this moment for months. and so they anticipated as they took in the scene in front of them; mashiho and junkyu standing in front of each other, both looking flushed and excited at the same time.

junkyu felt his heart skip a beat as he heard mashiho say five little words.

five words that meant the world to him.

junkyu snapped out of his daydreaming as his phone vibrated. it was a message from mashiho saying he won’t make it home tonight.

it was okay, he was used to this. 

he stood up from the couch and made his way to their room. lying down on cold sheets, those five, special little words rang in his head as he drifted off to sleep.

**“i think i like you.”**


	4. he’s my panacea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> five words.
> 
> five words that shattered his heart beyond repair.
> 
> five words he prayed day and night to never hear from the love of his life.
> 
> five words he contemplated on saying back just to spite him.
> 
> five words he thought he’d be okay with.
> 
> but those five words was all it took for junkyu to storm out the door and turn away from his 2-year ‘relationship’ with mashiho.

_i’m sorry to interrupt it's just i’m constantly_  
on the cusp of trying to kiss you   
_i don’t know if you feel the same as i do_   
_but we could be together, if you wanted to_

junkyu coughed profusely as he smoked his 4th cigarette that night, with his best friend, hyunsuk, right beside him. hyunsuk was pretty adamant about staying by his side all evening, afraid junkyu might do something he’ll regret in the morning.

“those things are slowly killing you, junkyu.” hyunsuk gestured to the now empty pack of cigarettes junkyu had put atop the mahogany counter.

junkyu scoffed. “as if mashiho isn’t doing that to me already. i’d probably die of heartbreak first than of lung cancer, hyunsuk hyung.”

eyes red from all the crying, junkyu took one last swig of his beer before slumping down on the kitchen floor. “i love him. i love him so much, it’s killing me.”

“i know, kyu. i know.” hyunsuk sat down beside him, close enough to let his best friend know that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“i wasn’t being delusional, right? he really had feelings for me. he’s in love with me, right? he was in love with me, right?” junkyu’s voice shook as he let tears run down his still wet cheeks. he ran a hand through his hair and tried to contain his sobs.

“where did i go wrong, hyung? was it me? should i have given more? was i not enough?” hyunsuk would cry too, if he could. every word junkyu said was like a stab to his heart.

he knew his best friend deserved better.

“even with every fucking lie,” junkyu roughly wiped his tears with his sleeves. “it’s still him. one smile from him makes every bad memory go away, hyung.” hyunsuk remained silent, not knowing what to say.

“i must be crazy. very fucking crazy to still run back to him after every fight. very fucking crazy to crave for anything he could give. very fucking insane to still want— no, need him after all the bullshit he’s put me through.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> junkyu has gone crayy crayy y’all smh 😪
> 
> \- 🌙


	5. he’s my remedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> five words.
> 
> five words that shattered his heart beyond repair.
> 
> five words he prayed day and night to never hear from the love of his life.
> 
> five words he contemplated on saying back just to spite him.
> 
> five words he thought he’d be okay with.
> 
> but those five words was all it took for junkyu to storm out the door and turn away from his 2-year ‘relationship’ with mashiho.

loud, deafening music blasted through the speakers as the crowd danced wildly; junkyu being one of them. as each minute passed, he cared lesser and lesser about the drinks spilled on him, cared lesser and lesser about who he was dancing with, and cared lesser and lesser about the 7 missed calls he received from mashiho.

he went there to forget.

junkyu felt uneasy as he felt unfamiliar hands on his hips, but he didn’t pull away. maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the thought that mashiho had done the same with someone else that made him angry enough to dance with the stranger. nevertheless, their bodies got closer with junkyu’s consent. he felt disgusted as he let the let the stranger’s rough hands explore his torso, but he remained still, trying to convince himself that this could distract him.

“KIM JUNKYU!”

the crowd immediately went silent as they heard the outraged scream. mashiho was beyond furious as he took in the scene in front of him and the moment their eyes locked, junkyu knew he was in deep trouble.

mashiho was infuriated; his eyes formed into slits, his jaw clenched, small but strong fists at his side as if ready to punch the daylights out of the idiot who dared touch what was his.

but damn did he look good.

junkyu slowly pulled away from the man as he continued to stare deep into mashiho’s eyes, not wanting to show any kind of sign that he was afraid. carefully, he walked over to where the japanese boy stood and took his hand in his to calm him down.

junkyu had always been the only one who had that effect on him. he was the only one mashiho would drop everything for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am curious,, if you were in junkyu’s shoes, would you have gone with mashiho too? or would you have walked out on him? 👀
> 
> \- 🌙


	6. you’re my favorite flavor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> five words.
> 
> five words that shattered his heart beyond repair.
> 
> five words he prayed day and night to never hear from the love of his life.
> 
> five words he contemplated on saying back just to spite him.
> 
> five words he thought he’d be okay with.
> 
> but those five words was all it took for junkyu to storm out the door and turn away from his 2-year ‘relationship’ with mashiho.

_do i wanna know_  
_if this feeling flows both ways?_  
_sad to see you go,_  
_was sorta hoping that you'd stay_

mashiho had his hand wrapped tightly around junkyu’s wrist from the moment they exited the club until now. and all junkyu could think about while they’re on their way home was if he was brave enough to finally end things with mashiho.

did he even want to? can he really stand not seeing him anymore? would it be the right decision? what was there to end when there was never a relationship to begin with?

junkyu was on the verge of crying as he let these excruciating thoughts take over his already clouded mind. the younger, on the other hand, dragged him harshly out the elevator and into their apartment.

“mashi—“

mashiho didn’t waste a second as he pinned junkyu onto the door he just slammed shut and crashed their lips together.

the kiss was painfully slow, but still equally as rough as what they were used to. junkyu had the same exquisite taste that mashiho tried so hard to find on someone else but couldn’t.

he tasted like strawberries and cigarettes.

to mashiho, junkyu was a mixture of everything sweet and everything bad. and he couldn’t get enough.

he wanted more, so much more.

neither of them pulled away despite the lack of air, both wanting to be just a little bit more closer to the other. junkyu felt breathless from the sensation, just as how every kiss left him gasping and begging for more. junkyu arched his back and pulled mashiho closer, the both of them hungrily devouring each other without hesitation.

this is what scared junkyu the most; how one kiss can shut him up and make everything else disappear. like they were the only ones that mattered.

mashiho’s lips trailed down to junkyu’s neck, making sure to leave marks. “i don’t know what i’d do if i see someone touch you like that again, junkyu. i’m afraid of what i’d do to them.” junkyu tried his best to suppress a moan when he felt mashiho suck at the spot behind his left ear.

“you’re mine, junkyu.”

upon hearing this, junkyu gathered what self control he had left, and softly but firmly pushed mashiho off of him.

mashiho would’ve leaned in again if it wasn’t for the evident tears streaming down junkyu’s face. “babe, what’s wr—“

“don’t. please don’t.” junkyu pleaded with a soft voice. “you can’t keep doing that, mashiho. you can’t keep lying to me and then keep kissing me as if it’s gonna make every lie go away. it doesn’t work that way anymore.” he didn’t bother to wipe his tears, knowing well that they’ll keep flowing all night anyway.

“what lie? what are you—“

“you know exactly what the fuck i’m talking about. drop the act, babe.” junkyu spat out the last word. “i want you to say it to my face. tell me what you did, mashiho.”

mashiho silently begged for his mind not to piece things together and remember how he was in someone else’s arms and how he came home to junkyu sleeping on the couch waiting for him, unaware of what he had been doing.

he had pretended not to notice that junkyu’s calls and texts lessened as each night passed. he had pretended not to notice when he’d find the left side of the bed empty in the morning. he had pretended not to notice that maybe, just maybe, junkyu had caught on the excuses.

that maybe, just maybe, junkyu saw through his lies all along.

“say it.”

and so he did.

five words.

five words that shattered his heart beyond repair.

five words he prayed day and night to never hear from the love of his life.

five words he contemplated on saying back just to spite him.

five words he thought he’d be okay with.

but those five words was all it took for junkyu to storm out the door and turn away from his 2-year ‘relationship’ with mashiho.

**“i’ve been with someone else.”**

junkyu scoffed bitterly and smiled one last time before walking out the door, away from mashiho and his sad, pleading eyes.

“no, wait, junkyu—“ he reached out to touch junkyu’s hand and stop him from leaving, but he was out of reach.

he was already gone.

mashiho cried now, too, as realization hit him.

junkyu’s hands were no longer his to hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am: sad and devastated 💔
> 
> \- 🌙


	7. sleep. dream. you. repeat.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> five words.
> 
> five words that shattered his heart beyond repair.
> 
> five words he prayed day and night to never hear from the love of his life.
> 
> five words he contemplated on saying back just to spite him.
> 
> five words he thought he’d be okay with.
> 
> but those five words was all it took for junkyu to storm out the door and turn away from his 2-year ‘relationship’ with mashiho.

_it was great at the very start_  
_hands on each other_  
_couldn’t stand to be far apart_  
_closer the better_

mashiho had isolated himself from the world since junkyu walked out on him. he refused to answer calls, refused to eat, and he’d been absent from work for a week now. he couldn’t stop thinking about the way junkyu tried his best not to cry the moment he said those words.

junkyu had always been an open book to him, and he took pride in knowing that no one could ever know junkyu the way he did. but every time he thought he had junkyu all figured out, he gets surprised with a whole new side; a whole new chapter of junkyu he wants to read. and at that moment when mashiho finally admitted what he had done, high walls have been built.

he could no longer read junkyu.

mashiho didn’t know what to do so he waited. he sat all day on his bed, waiting to get a notification from junkyu. he waited because that has always been their routine.

someone does something stupid, they fight, they stay silent for days, and junkyu comes back to apologize. repeat.

it didn’t matter whose fault it was. it had always been junkyu who comes crawling back to him and apologizing, clearly terrified of losing him over some petty argument.

but this time, mashiho knew that it was different.

this time, he knew he was at fault. he knew junkyu deserved so much better. but was it selfish of him to ask for one last chance?

‧͙⁺ ˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺ ˚*･༓☾☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

it had been hell for junkyu ever since he stepped out that door. he always knew it would be painful to not be able to see mashiho’s captivating eyes and charming smile.

that smile that was once reserved just for him.

but what he wasn’t prepared for was the hollow feeling in his chest; like something had been taken from him.

after all this time, does mashiho still have his heart?

junkyu didn’t want to think about him so he had been wandering the streets aimlessly all day, careful not to pass by places that him and mashiho had gone on a date to. he had also told hyunsuk of what happened, and at the same time promised his best friend that he was going to look after himself despite the emptiness he felt.

junkyu had moved back in with his parents, not bothering to retrieve his clothes and other belongings from him and mashiho’s previously shared apartment. he’s never mentioned their breakup though, as he was aware that they liked mashiho for him. if they knew, they would be heartbroken, too. so he stayed silent.

looking up at the night sky where the moon illuminated his path, junkyu smiled to himself.

it was time to go home.

“kyu, someone’s here for you. i told him to go wait in your bedroom.” his mom greeted with a smile.

 _hyunsuk?_ junkyu smiled for a second time that day as he opened the door to his room, thinking of all the ways he could scold his best friend for coming to him despite him promising to take good care of himself.

but his smile vanished as soon as it came.

“junkyu.”


	8. you were the only one capable of making me feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> five words.
> 
> five words that shattered his heart beyond repair.
> 
> five words he prayed day and night to never hear from the love of his life.
> 
> five words he contemplated on saying back just to spite him.
> 
> five words he thought he’d be okay with.
> 
> but those five words was all it took for junkyu to storm out the door and turn away from his 2-year ‘relationship’ with mashiho.

_now we're picking fights and slamming doors_  
_magnifying all our flaws_  
_and i wonder why, wonder what for_  
_why we keep coming back for more_

junkyu gently shut the door. “get out. you’re not welcome here anym—“

“i’ve been drawn to you since the first time i saw you. you were different from everyone else, junkyu.” mashiho’s voice cracked. he was holding himself back from running to junkyu’s arms and never letting go. he maintained his calm facade and tried to explain.

“stop this, mashiho. there’s no point. you think i’d still go back to you after what you—“

“it took me 3 years to pluck up the courage to ask you out. and i was so scared of the way i felt.” during those two years of being together, this had been the only time that junkyu had seen mashiho so broken; and he knew he was the cause.

so he decided to listen.

“i was scared of you and the way you made me feel because you were the one person who could ruin my life. you were the only one capable of making me feel. you’re the only one who’s ever stayed with me this long despite knowing my flaws and every fucking day my feelings for you got stronger. i was so in love with you, junkyu.” mashiho shook his head, realizing how much of an idiot he had been all this time.

“you’re the kindest soul i’ve ever met and you’re the most amazing boyfriend one could ever ask for. but then my insecurities got in the way. and i know that’s not an excuse for what i’ve done.” he felt disgusted as he remembered how we had hurt the love of his life. mashiho paused, trying to find the right words. he could see that junkyu was giving him at least the chance to speak, and that was enough for him.

“and i never understood how a heart like yours could ever love a heart like mine.” mashiho ignored the hot tears streaming down his face. he felt somehow relieved now that he’s opened up to junkyu. he felt like he could finally breathe.

“i know you deserve better and that i would never be able to give that to you. and yet, you still stayed. you stayed despite every imperfection i had, and i’ll forever be thankful that you did. because of you, we lasted this long.”

“but the thought of you leaving,” he closed his eyes, the memories of junkyu turning away washed over him like a tidal wave. “i couldn’t handle it, junkyu. i didn’t want to experience that kind of heartbreak. i couldn’t handle it so i thought it’d be best if i broke your heart first.”

junkyu felt lost with what he was hearing. mashiho had never been good with words. but now he was telling him his side of the story, and junkyu was torn whether to listen further or to walk away again. “god, you’re so fucking s—“

“selfish, i know.” mashiho sniffled. “i pushed you away, and i made you think things were your fault. but really, i was just terrified of pain. i screwed someone else to kind of spite you for having that hold on me.”

“what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”


	9. i’ve forgotten how being yours feels like

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> five words.
> 
> five words that shattered his heart beyond repair.
> 
> five words he prayed day and night to never hear from the love of his life.
> 
> five words he contemplated on saying back just to spite him.
> 
> five words he thought he’d be okay with.
> 
> but those five words was all it took for junkyu to storm out the door and turn away from his 2-year ‘relationship’ with mashiho.

_too much time, losing track of us_  
_where was the real?_  
_undefined, spiraling out of touch_  
_forgot how it feels_

“i didn’t wanna to be a slave to the way i feel about you.” junkyu let out a puff of breath at this. 

“when i realized that you were being distant, i knew you were trying to punish me back. and i died, junkyu.” mashiho looked like a lost puppy trying to come back to his owner, but junkyu’s walls are stronger now.

unbelievable, he thought.

“i never thought of leaving you, mashiho. ever.” junkyu shook his head, refusing to believe that mashiho would ever think that low of him. “you decided to break my heart because you thought i’d break yours? how fucked up is that?”

“i know—“

“no, you fucking don’t.” junkyu backed away from mashiho, still baffled by how things are turning out between them. “i used to think of you as someone who would never hurt me. ever.”

“you never loved me, mashiho. you only loved yourself.”

junkyu had his arms crossed, a defense mechanism he’s always had when talking to someone he didn’t trust.

and mashiho noticed.

“i spent countless sleepless nights wondering where i went wrong and if i wasn’t giving enough, only to find out that the one i’d sacrifice everything for, never really loved me.”

“but i did love you, junkyu. i still do.” mashiho was pleading this time, desperate to be forgiven.

“no you didn’t.” junkyu shook his head in disbelief. “all you ever cared about from the very start was protecting your own heart, and in the process you never even knew how much you were already breaking mine.” junkyu was stepping farther and farther away from him.

mashiho walked to where junkyu stood and fell to his knees. he wrapped his arms around junkyu’s thighs and sobbed on junkyu’s shirt. “i know you’ll probably never forgive me, but please, please, believe me when i say i love you, junkyu. i’ve never loved anyone the way i loved you.” he kept sobbing.

“i forgave you the moment i knew you lied to me, mashiho. but i’ll never forget.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i felt so emotional while writing this scene 🤧 this part was what made me think about making a sequel,, and whether or not junkyu should give mashiho another chance 👀
> 
> \- 🌙


	10. let’s start over?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> five words.
> 
> five words that shattered his heart beyond repair.
> 
> five words he prayed day and night to never hear from the love of his life.
> 
> five words he contemplated on saying back just to spite him.
> 
> five words he thought he’d be okay with.
> 
> but those five words was all it took for junkyu to storm out the door and turn away from his 2-year ‘relationship’ with mashiho.

_is it just our bodies?_  
_are we both losing our minds?_  
_is the only reason you're holding me tonight_  
_'cause we're scared to be lonely?_

it has been days since that episode at junkyu’s house; to which it ended with junkyu asking mashiho to leave. they had no contact with each other since and although it hurt, mashiho knew that this was what he deserved. he busied himself with whatever he could think of: focusing on his job, playing with his dog, going out with his friends more, and basically anything that would get his mind off of junkyu.

mashiho jumped as he heard the doorbell ring, as he wasn’t really expecting anyone this late. petting his dog one last time, he marched downstairs to greet whoever it was.

nobody was there though, when he opened the door. the only thing waiting for him was a box, and a crisp, neatly folded piece of paper on top of it.

mashiho looked around as he picked up the box, hoping to find out who left it, but no one was there.

he took the box upstairs to his bedroom and put it at the foot of his bed. contemplating on what to do with it, he took his phone out of his pocket and checked to see if there was any message from anyone about dropping something at his house, but there were none. sighing heavily, he made up his mind to let his curiosity take over and actually open what was sent to him.

mashiho was reaching for the paper when his eyes caught what was on his finger.

it was the promise ring junkyu had given them on their first anniversary. he had given junkyu one, too, the both of them promising to be together always.

ignoring the heartache and the sad memory, he unfolded the letter.

_**Thank you. I’m returning what’s yours.**_ , it read.

the intricate handwriting alone gave away that it was from junkyu, and he had a hunch on what the box could contain. he then reached for the box and opened it slowly.

inside the box were pictures of him and junkyu when they were still together, plushies he had won from the crane machine that he gave to junkyu as gifts, his purple hoodie that junkyu ‘borrowed’ from him, and tickets to movies they had seen together.

he browsed through all of them, reminiscing through all the times when they were happy together. mashiho wished then and there that he had a time machine; or really anything that would’ve stopped him from committing his mistake and anything that could give him another shot at being with junkyu.

wiping away tears that he didn’t know had fallen, he stashed the box under his bed, and put the letter on his nightstand.

he lied down on his bed, already ready to drift off when it dawned on him what wasn’t in the box.

a soft smile graced his face as he realized,

**junkyu didn’t return his ring.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 𝓮𝓷𝓭. 
> 
> \- 🌙


End file.
